8 little bits of today.

1. Store-bought perogies for dinner. Shh... don't tell my Grandma.
2. Really, really tall flowers on the table. From Ryan this afternoon.
3. Gushy chocolate chip cookies, sent home with Ryan from a colleague.
4. Tea and Ellen and baby asleep for an hour. Ahhhhhhhhhh.
5. Boot shopping with my daughter. She didn't give much input and I shopped FAST. Two new pairs!
6. Interesting sensation: spit-up pooling in my underwear. Figure it out, I dare you.
7. Trying desperately to de-clutter the living room. Desperately.
8. Finally got some of those professional portraits of Ryan and I up on the wall, just in time to replace them with pictures of Charlotte.

Look at me, Ms. Arts and Crafts!

Just kidding. This is the only project I've done in weeks--and I didn't even make it, just stuck it on the wall. No, it was made by Empressive Designs, a shop on etsy. I love it and so does Charlotte. It gives her something to look at while Mommy struggles with the poop in the middle of the night...

One Month Old.

So, I'm not doing NaBloPoMo this year. I'm sure you'd gathered that. I'm kind of sad because I have enjoyed the last three Novembers of writing, writing, writing. But there's no way I'd be able to get on the computer daily to write something sort-of coherent and almost interesting.
So. Here I am, November 8th and writing my first post of the month!
Of course, I've got great reasons to be away from the computer. My favourite for this past week: Katie and her 4-month old son, Ollie, came to visit us! It was a wonderful 4 days of sharing baby stories and breastfeeding and watching the little ones coo (and yell!) from their blankets.

(Katie's bag was lost by the airline, so Ollie borrowed one of Charlotte's 12 month sleepers. Hence the pink.)

Ollie was a little more active than Charlotte, and liked to wave his appendages around wildly. He didn't get her, but here it looks like he's going in for the punch.

Motherhood is indeed a special bond that no one can understand until they're there. It was so great to get the perspectives of another newish mother (Katie also has a two-and-a-half year old) and to talk, talk, talk about the minutiae of caring for a newborn--most of which bores others. Poop consistency! Nipple consistency! Incredibly detailed labour stories! Comparing our husbands' parenting styles! I loved every minute and was sad to see Katie go. I miss her.

Today is Charlotte's one-month birthday. That went by in the blink of an eye! She is so old! And she's taken on some important milestones in the past few days. First, she took her first bottle from Daddy. Of course, I was apprehensive about the whole thing, worried she wouldn't take it, worried there was not enough milk, worried he would choke her. But no! She loved it and so did he. "She looks at me differently now that I can feed her too," he said. So sweet.
Last night we put her in her own room and her own crib for the first time, instead of having her sleep in a bed at the end of ours. Again, no problems, except with Mommy. I didn't want her to be so far away (about four steps down the hall). I missed her when I was getting into bed, even though I had the baby monitor turned up so loud I could hear Ryan doing his business in the bathroom. All went well, Ryan fed her once in the night (and I did the other feedings) and no one can complain except for Mommy who must find something to worry about. ("Was that a gurgling sound? She must be choking on spit-up! She'll aspirate it and get pneumonia!" etc.)


And...Ryan and I finally got our H1N1 vaccine. We tried going on Tuesday with Katie, but the clinic ran out early. So we got it and the seasonal flu shot on Friday. There has been much complaining about sore arms around here, but I feel a tad bit better about Charlotte's health. I may tell the story about the shot one day...but then again what'll likely happen is weeks will pass and it will no longer seem relevant/funny/interesting. So.

We aim to please...

Happy Hallowe'en!

What's going on in that little head, I ask you?

She'll cry and she'll cry and she'll cry and she'll almost settle and then she'll cry some more. I'll walk the halls and rock the chair and sing and coo and pat the bum and offer her a nipple and change her diaper. I'll hold her hands, I'll cradle her, I'll put her on my tummy so she can burp. I'll put her in the swing, I'll lay her on her tummy, I'll put her to bed. And she'll cry and cry and cry.
Just when I'm really about to lose it, she'll stop and be silent and look around with her wide grey eyes. "Can Mommy have a shower?" I'll ask and then I'll tenderly get her all set up in the bathroom, propped up with pillows and swaddled in blankets and I'll have everything ready to go so that as soon as I put her down I can get in the shower and do my thing as fast as possible.
And I'm in there frantically shampooing and getting all that dribbled breastmilk and night-sweat off and I peek out at her, expecting to see a scrunched-up face, ready to break into full-blown, siren screams. And there she is, the most content person in the world, enamoured with the shiny bathroom cupboard handles.
I laugh to myself and turn the hot water up, perhaps able to enjoy an extra minute or two in there. So that's what she wanted: to be left alone on the bathroom floor with something shiny to hold her gaze.
Le sigh.

13 days.

Wow. October 21st? Really? What happened there? Oh yeah:

somebody took over my life.
We are still, of course, wandering around in a zombie-like state. Ryan does it at work and I do it around the house. Actually, I seem to be managing a bit better with the lack of sleep--the H1N1 anxiety hasn't gotten to me in a few days. I have taken your advice and have been leaving the house with our little bundle--careful, of course, to carry hand sanitizer with us wherever we go.
Not that the outings are anything special to the untrained eye--a walk to the grocery store, a quick drive to Zellers. But to me they are exhilarating! I'm out of the house! I'm moving at a quick pace! There are other human beings around!
Meanwhile, Charlotte snoozes through it all, in love with her stroller and the car both. She likes locomotion, we're noticing. We just get her nice and cozy and cuddly and start to settle on the couch and "YOW!" she yells, "Why are you stationary?!? Do another lap of the house--NOW!"
She had another check up with the doctor yesterday and is now the big ol' weight of 7 lbs, 1 oz--right on schedule. Her clothes are starting to fit a bit better: she no longer looks like she's swimming in laundry most of the time. Her face is rounding out and I think she is starting to get a double chin.
In other news...well there isn't really much of other news. I've figured out how to read magazines and soft-cover books while breastfeeding. Ryan's got the computer all day so there isn't much blog-perusing going on. I do miss reading all your updates and do catch the occasional post here and there; but, for now, my internet time is pretty much limited to quick email and facebook checks.
Well--back to it!

Yep, I'm exhausted.

It's been over a week since Charlotte was born, and Ryan and I are kind of floating in a daze. Day turns to night so quickly and the nights pass by dream-like and wakeful. I have a feeling many of the posts over the next little while will be incoherent rambling. Brace yourself.

Yesterday I made it out of the house! We all went for our first walk and I realized it really wasn't that cold outside. It was a beautiful autumn day and I just wanted to keep walking and walking.
Ryan went back to work on Thursday and I survived. I even got the baby into a real outfit as opposed to hanging out in her PJs all day.
My biggest concern right now is this bloody H1N1. Both Charlotte and I are in the high risk groups and when I get my tiredest I have to work hard to keep the anxiety at bay. They say the vaccines won't be available until November and I'm terrified that she will get seriously ill or worse. I'm trying not to get paranoid, but I realize that is so much more difficult when you've got a baby.
I forget about all this when Charlotte is awake and we get to play and sing along to lullabies. Every day I notice something new about her--today it is the accidental smile she gives off as she sleeps or works her mouth looking for a breast.
Love is so good, it hurts.